Communications #1 - How we make Reality

As one of my gurus, Jamie Smart, has often said – “as human being beings we are made for a world of things and experience.”

And how we, as individuals, process that world of things and experience to make sense of it all, is hugely individual and subjective.

The world and everything around us is made up of a continuing and unending stream of data, probably around 2 million bits of data at any one time. In our interaction with the world, we accept information in through our senses. With all the information coming in through our 5 senses, the volume is vast - so much so that if we were to try and make a cognitive and conscious analysis of it all, then there would be literally no time left for us to do anything else.

It is well documented that consciously we can deal with seven + or – two bits of information at a time – so a threshold of between 5 and 9. (If you think of how we mentally store phone numbers, you can see clearly why we break them up into more easily remembered groupings rather than try and remember them in one long string of data.) It is also known that our minds can broadly accept about 132 bits of information per second – which is a long way from the 2 million!

So how do we cope with this endless stream without blowing our minds and pare the 2 million down to 132?

Well it’s all done through a series of filters, where we focus and gather information, then DELETE, GENERALIZE or DISTORT that information based upon our ‘models’ of the world, our memories and our beliefs.

In order to make sense of anything, we run what we see (Visual), hear (Auditory), feel (Kinaesthetic), smell (Olfactory) and taste (Gustatory) past what we already know by way of experienced memory or believe to be true. By doing this we are hoping to find a match to help process the data and thus make sense of what we perceive as reality. But since yours, mine, his, hers and their maps of the world are all different in some degree – then it stands to reason that we will all perceive things differently. Even if we are all present at the same event, we will all have a different representation of that event.

Now, our beliefs are a very important part of how we make up our reality because our beliefs help to draw focus into our sensory filters. According to Roberts Dilts and Tim Hallbom :- “A belief is an idea that you hold to be true and it shapes your sense of reality about the world. It’s a classic example of a Neuro-Linguistic Programme.”

So as you can see, the “World out there” is not a constant thing, it is whatever we make it up to be. And the interesting thing about that is that it places us in the position of choice about our world and not as being dependent its consequences. What is commonly known as “Being at Cause” rather than “Being at Effect”.

At this point in the topic of “reality” there are a number of directions that we can take. This is rather like coming into the foyer or vestibule of a large building (perhaps a railway terminus) and then deciding which way to go to get to the room (or the train) we want. The most important thing at this stage is that we have made it into the building!

In the course of our practical workshops, this journey into “The Reality Building” is illustrated through sensual experience and exploration so gaining a greater understanding of the “Building” from the outside. This will give you greater knowledge about how we already construct our model of communications with both ourselves and others, and how we can broaden this and learn how to improve and enhance our communications.

5 Ways to Improve Your Week

When was the last time you had a good day at work?

Where everything just went right, you had a smile on your face and time just flew by?

For some of us, it would have been recent, others maybe slightly longer.

What about having that feeling for a whole week?

I guarantee that the number would significantly drop in this case.

The question should be, why?

Why is a great day so great? What makes it special?

In our industry, we are really passionate about training and its benefits, but it is something that we enjoy more....helping people. I'm willing to offer that the great days are made by having great 1-2-1 or group conversations or sessions where everyone has taken something from them.

The key to our industry and having a long and rewarding career in it, is to relate to our customers and give them the best service possible so they keep coming back.

So.....here are 5 ways to make this feeling last forever, day in, day out:

1. Add Value

When you see someone on the gym floor, or even entering the club, greet them. It can be as simple as a sincere "Hi, how are you?" or "Can I help?". Conversation starters can be a lame as you like, but then add value to someone. Give them directions to somewhere, if they look at what you are doing on the gym floor get them involved, pay them a compliment, and get them more invested in the conversation and more importantly, in you.

2. Build Rapport

No relationship, however formal, can develop positively without rapport. It is the building block of a relationship. Adding value may "get you in the door", but work on ways to build rapport. Remembering someone's name is a simple and effective way of building rapport, and they will automatically invest further in your conversation because they will feel a need to remember your name, and so your rapport with them gets deeper. Other examples could be developing conversations to talk about what a client has done in the recent past, particularly after major holiday periods when they will have a lot to talk about.

3. Abundance 

Professionally, not really something we think about, but it is true of any social/professional circle - the more people you talk to, the more opportunities come your way. This is a great way to think about your own professional relationships, and how to build them with clients. Talk to everyone on the gym floor in the club, make eye contact, but be polite not overbearing and ultimately try your best to add value wherever you can. Then you have a reason to be there, talking to that person and the conversation seems genuine. A fantastic "client getter"

4. Enjoyment

Ok, probably sounds like im struggling for more ways......but hear me out.

Lets say you do 20 sessions a week with clients..

How many can you say "I really enjoyed working with that person"?

I can honestly say that a mix of 1,2 and 3 will help, but challenge yourself to be enthusiastic and passionate about every client you work with.

Before each session think "My client is going to leave with a massive smile on their face, and im going to make it happen". Get them to achieve something they have never achieved before, and something that they wanted to do! This is will give you massive job satisfaction, and give you much much more repeat business.

5. Listen and learn

Think of the client consultations you do.....and now think about what you talk about with clients?

Usually, we can all say that its "what goals have you got?", "how many times a week do/will you come to the gym?", "what training experience have you had?", "what do you like to do in the gym?"

I would offer you that if you ask one question "why did you join the gym?" and then listen to your client with nothing on your mind for 10 minutes, you will get everything you need to know about that person, and will find a solution that you never saw before. Even if they go silent for a moment, leave them to fill the silence and see what comes out.

Worst case scenario, you have had a really relaxing 10 minutes........but I guarantee that's not even close to what you get!

Try these and post back your thoughts, we would love to hear them