Confidence and The Leap of Faith

In a recent post on my personal blog I wrote about the Magician's Mindset, and how taking this single-minded approach to what we do - especially in terms of a contest, a performance, taking an action - is a choice that liberates us from the debilitating shackles of self-questioning and self-doubt.

In terms of an illustration for this I always use this clip from Indiana Jones, called the "Leap of Faith"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kqpevshcdww&feature=related

Blueprints

The thing about self-doubt is that it is like a stalactite or stalagmite, built up by drip-drip-feeding from failure, lack of success, non-success, shortcomings, the damning effects of "could do better", the inability to please others or ourselves. The other thing is that once it has grown in one particular place, then a pattern has been established (a blueprint if you like) that allows it to be replicated in other parts of our life.

There is another blueprint - for self confidence, built in a similar way, and that pervades, by replication, other parts of our life.
And stepping back to take in the bigger picture, there are a whole range of blueprints, channelled by experience, that we build and use in all parts of our lives.

The Cache for speedy processing

These blueprints sit on the shelves in our chart-room along with our maps of the world - waiting to be consulted for whatever we are doing, or are going to do. The thing is that the more we use certain blueprints and maps, the more we are likely to use them again and again. Rather like the 'cache' in our computer's memory, we keep these blueprints and maps close to hand for quicker processing. If we are 'good at confident' then we continue to be good at it - likewise the pessimists, the mopey types, the hypercriticals, the judgementals reach for the same regular maps and blueprints because they're near to hand, and they continue to be good at being how they are too.

How do we talk about Confidence?

Look at these statements and decide which means more to you, which one reflects your beliefs more, and which is the most powerful for you:-
"I have confidence in myself"
"I am confident"
"I am self-confident"
"I have confidence"

Two statements relate to having - two relate to being; Two refer to just "I" - the other two refer to "I" and "self"; plus there's an implication that "confidence" is some kind of an entity; and perhaps other linguistic nuances abound also.

The ebb and flow of Confidence

The thing about confidence (or being confident) is that (for most of us) it ebbs and flows through our lives and we tend to want more of it when we are approaching or anticipating a crucial or important event or action for us. Most people ask me things like "I'd like more confidence when I do X" or "I want to feel more confident when Y happens". The requisition of more confident(ce) is needed in a certain context.
Then there's the people where the ebb and flow is less noticeable, where the tide is always low, and who just "want more confidence in my life" or who "want to be more confident in everything". Now these tend to be the folk who use SELF when describing what they want as well, and although this might be construed as being "just the way they say things", the fact is that they are also using SELF here - for a reason.

The late David Grove, the psychologist who developed Clean Language, also developed Pronoun-scapes - and in particular how we break down the view of things relating to ourselves into the four categories of "I - Me - Self - You". There are ambiguities in the way we describe things about ourselves in this fourfold regard, that have a powerful hold over the way we draw and use our blueprints. Take this conversation as an example:-

"You know, I find that one of the things that happens to me when I talk to myself is....."
How would you finish the sentence for this person?
My reply is most likely to be:- "...that I don't really know who I'm talking to?"

Amusing as this may seem, once you start to listen out for how people use these pronouns when talking about themselves, it gives you some great clues as to what's going on inside their heads - and also clues as to how they can clear things up and move on.

So - back to Confidence!

Ideally, it's a way of being - on the inside. "I am confident!"
It's a way of doing actions when you don't have to worry or be concerned about how things will turn out. It's a way of playing or performing when you know that through the processes the outcomes will be the best they can possibly be in this precise moment.

For all of us, getting to the state of having more Confidence is again about understanding the Leap of Faith - rather than relying on luck, superstition, drugs, alcohol, the quick 'external' fix, The Mask, The Tuxedo, the Invisibility Cloak, Sparky's Magic Piano etc.

In terms of Indiana Jones, Confidence is faith that the "stone bridge of processes" is what gets You from Now to the Outcome of the other side. Yes you can be guided, but that step, that choice, the Leap, is something only you can do.

It starts by looking ourselves in the "I".

Body Language Basics - Eye Contact

So we've all heard that 'Body Language' is a massively important part of interactions and relationships, and that it conveys plenty of information about a person and what they are saying (e.g. if it is authentic, whether they actually believe it and so on).

Ever found yourself in a situation where you weren't very confident in what you said to someone even though you really believed it? Did you hold eye contact throughout?

Maybe you were really trying to get across how good your product is, or the value of someone paying for your services, but didn't quite get them 'hooked'? Did you hold eye contact throughout?

If your answer to the first question was 'Yes', then the likelihood is your answer to the second was 'No'.

I want you to consider the power of eye contact, how it can improve your credibility and give you authority before you say a single word.

Eye contact is one of the most powerful sub communication tools for any human. Recent research by the University of Alabama concluded that in experts, those with high levels of eye contact with their audience had significantly higher credibility levels than those that had medium and low levels.

I think most of us would consider ourselves the 'experts' in the trainer-client relationship,as they are paying for skills and expertise that we have.

So this should go some way to convincing you that it is important enough for you to be aware of it, and to work on it.

To those of you that disagree, let me give you another perspective:

Research by marine scientists and shark experts has proven that direct eye contact with a shark can deter it from attacking you.

Metaphorically this is pretty powerful. If you knew that practising eye contact could one day save your life, wouldn't you be more motivated to try it out, and discover what other benefits you could acquire from such practise???  I know I would be first in line in the staring championships!

There are lots of ways to practice eye contact, but here I will break it down into 3 easy stages. I invite you to go through all 3 in turn, and then choose whichever is relevant to you at the time. Once you get comfortable, move on to another technique to keep your learning curve rising.

Mirror Practice

With yourself, keep eye contact in the mirror for a total of 1 minute, with a 20 second break. Do this a total of 10 reps a day for 1 week. Notice what you notice about yourself (or don't notice), and always stay present in the conscious. If you find yourself drifting out, take your break and have another go, but start your 10 reps again.


Practice with a Friend/Colleague

A good confidence builder. In 10 daily conversations with friends or colleagues, as they speak look them right in the eye until it is your turn. Again, notice what you notice about what they are saying to you, and feel how natural it feels. When it is your turn to talk, repeat the eye contact. Once you get good, try talking about a subject that you would normally avoid. Notice how much more receptive your audience are with your viewpoint. Do this at least 3 days a week for as long as you need to make it automatic.

Practice with Clients

Now you're ready to use this with your clients. You probably do some of this already in your interactions, so I want you to do this specifically when you are saying something that you 100% believe in, but are not confident saying to another person. Maintain eye contact as you deliver your message, and notice what you notice about how receptive they are to what you say. Practice this on your next 10 clients, and your next 10 potential ones and measure your success. Reinforce with friend/colleague practice for your following 20 and notice the difference.

Take this forward and learn every day

To your vision

Asa

The Secret to Productivity and Enjoyment

There is a Secret that 99% of us are missing out on.

It's a Secret that all the superstars in the world of coaching and training already know and understand.

Those that live the life that they want and realised their dreams every day. Those people that are having seemingly "effortless success". They all understand the 1 thing that affects your ability to be productive, and how to work it in their favour.

This secret is simple.........it's your Mood

Mood affects everything we do. It affects our productivity, drive, interactions, relationships, communication, body language and, in essence, our whole being.

When we are in a good mood, everything seems easy.

• We are very productive and driven to overcome anything that is put in our way
• When we interact and communicate, our message gets across to the recipient and we have a greater understanding of the messages they are sending us
• As a result, our relationships are fluid and problem free, creating a greater shared pleasure and appreciation from both sides
• Our body language is positive and welcoming, and this further reinforces our level of attraction and value
• We are at ease with ourselves and our world, and of greater assistance and guidance to those who we interact with

We've all been in this situation. It creates the sense that anything is possible, that any goal can be realised and that we can deliver - no matter what.

Flip the situation to when we are in a bad or low mood:

• We have lots to do and are overwhelmed meaning we achieve only a fraction, if anything
• We stuggle to communicate our message effectively, often taking 3 or 4 attempts to get our audience to understand what it is we are talking about
• Our body language becomes submissive causing us to repel others, often without realising it
• Our relationships with people are strained due to the lack of understanding
• We have a million worries about every single thing that we need to do, must do and what might happen if we don't do it

So...why is the world a different place when we are in a good mood, as opposed to a bad one?

Answer - Our Thinking 

Our world is a constant. Things existed before we all were here, and will exist long after. We have little influence over most things that happen in our world. I use the term 'our' in this instance because each individual is living in their own world, the one created by the power of their thought.

It is how we can all have such separate experiences of the same events, through all of our senses.

We have a gazillion thoughts every day, a balance of positive and negative. This is a constant wave, and never changes.

When we are in a good mood, it's not that we have NO negative thoughts, it's that we give them no credit - we pay no attention to them. Because of this we have mental clarity and we swim down positive rivers of thought, which will flow into the sea of productivity and traquillity.

When we are in a bad mood, it's not that we have NO positive or inspiring thoughts, it's that we become so attentive to all the thoughts running through our head. It is impossible for us to know which are productive and which are destructive. We have sensory overload, and this is what causes us to have poor mental clarity. Poor mental clarity leads to poor decision making, because we follow all thoughts rather than the ones we know to be good. We are swimming in a similar river, with the same power, but it is flowing to the sea of negativity and destruction.

Phrases such as "I need to", "I really must" and "I have too much to do, and no time to do it" are common when we are in low mood.

That's great, but how does understanding this relate to me??

A good understanding of this means you will follow your thoughts when you are in a high mood and be productive. It also means that you will recognise when you are in a low mood, that your thinking is not to be trusted, and take action to deal with your mood (e.g. have a rest, take a break, have lunch, listen to some calming music for 5 mins).

Mood is a river of thought. You are the swimmer, so you can decide which river you swim in. Remember, all you have to do to ensure you get out of the negative river before it reaches the sea.

The same can be said of clients or colleagues that you work with. They will follow the same mental processes (we have all had a client or colleague who turns up with that 'I could happily punch everyone I see right now' look on their face).
Once you recognise they are in a low mood, you can focus on helping them out of it so they can be productive, safe in the knowledge if they are abrupt or negative it is not personal and is only their thinking.

This can always make you someone who people gravitate to because you can make them feel good. You can feel good because they are productive, and because you have helped them achieve it.

If there was someone you knew like that, with that level of understanding, wouldn't you want to spend time in their presence and absorb some of that 'positivity'?

I invite you to recognise your own thoughts next time you are in a high mood and smile at each positive thought and feeling that you have and the sensation of you floating down your river towards the sea.

I invite you to recognise the feeling of low mood, recognise that your thinking doesn't feel good. If you feel 'swamped' or 'drowning' in thought, recognise that its probably time to get out of the water, dry yourself off, grab a big float to lie on, and just let it find its own natural way to the river that leads you to your sea of traquillity.